Salams everyone,
It has been so long since I last wrote in. The reason for this is because I took a sabbatical leave from Zyra and decided to do my Masters in Dundee, Scotland. Anyway, I have decided on my dissertation and my supervisor has given me the green light. She gave such an encouragement that it took me surprised. She said that it is an interesting topic and I should publish my work. Wow, to me that is a big deal since I am not really the academia type! hehehe....
So are you guys ready, the topic for my dissertation is:
Faith, Fashion and the Internet: Fashion blogging among young Muslim women in Malaysia.
What so you guys think??? I'm super excited about it... hehehe.... But anyway, that is not the point of this sudden urge to write. I have discovered something so so so powerful. This is why I decided to put it in the blog. Ok so it began like this.
A couple of months ago, I was confused. I identified 4 things that I am super passionate about. They are:
- Faith - my relationship with God;
- Fashion - OMG I love making dresses its crazeeeeee. I'm drawing dresses while my lecturers are explaining infront;
- Politics - no matter how much I try to stay clear of it, I'm so drawn to it, and it is drawn to me! hahahhaa... It's a love hate relationship. Can't live with it, can't live without it;
- Helping others - When Baba and Salman passed away, I found this group called YMP and they were a bunch of supportive people who allowed me to channel my depression to a productive action of helping others. So now I am a core believer in peer support groups.
So I made my istikharah prayers in full hopes that God will guide me to the right path. In hopes that He will make me focus on one which would be most rewarding in this world and the hereafter. And guess what, ALL doors seem to open more! So I was super confused :-(....
Coming back to now, a couple of days ago I started to sort out the people who I wanted to interview for my dissertation. They are:
4. Lady Gagemelan in http://ladygagamelan.tumblr.com/;
These girls are amazing subhanallah. I sincerely believe that they are making an impact to women like me, it is truly inspiring to see Muslim women who can embrace faith and fashion. Suddenly a question crept into me. Looking at how they are, I asked myself, "Am I successful like them?" I am 29, and next year I will be 30. What have I actually achieved? I asked this question constantly. This small voice in me is the one motivating me to seek for success. Reading biographies of people who have achieved so much even before they reach 30 was a way of comparing their life to a small time girl like me who, oh well let's face, hasn't achieved much. I wondered so much how success would feel like. And then I began to feel sorry for myself. Negativity hijacked the best of me and I was on a spiral circle of pushing myself down.
I decided the negativity is too much and instead decided to thank God 1st thing in the morning when I wake up. I made a promise to always thank God for giving me one more chance to live my life. One more chance to do better than what I did yesterday. One more chance to see the beautiful sun coming up..... Subhanallah. You have no idea how things start to change.
OMG I realized the success that I wanted was already at my fingertips... God is so giving to me. He gives and gives without me even realizing it. The feeling of negativity came because I defined success on the terms of someone else's life. So ofcourse I realized that I was chasing success based on what someone else has defined it. In truth, I am living my life doing exactly what I want and subhanallah I am so grateful because I am so passionate about what I do. Here's a sneak peak of my life.
5.00am - Wake up and thank God, pray and read Qur'an.
6.30am - Make juice
7.00am - Paula Abdul excercise
8.00am - Geri Yoga
9.00am - Get ready to go to school
I am doing my Masters in Islamic Studies so I have learnt about the Qur'an, Hadiths, Politics, Gender in Islam and now I am doing my dissertation in Fashion. Hahahhaa... where an earth can I learn Islam like this???? Mashallah....
I manage a support group under ALMISS (student body for Al-Maktoum) and we meet once a week. It has been 5 weeks and mashallah I can see the improvement in my group, including myself.
I also help out a political party here. The opposition ofcourse, duh! hahahhaa... I'm not fully on board with one party cause I support all political parties in Malaysia, especially DAP. I really think they (DAP) stand for the values that is closest to my heart for now, even when they do not come under the Islamic party in Malaysia. And without God sending us Anwar Ibrahim, most Malays like me will never challenge the societal norms that UMNO has propagate. Alhamdulillah for Anwar Ibrahim. May God always protect and bless him and his family.
I also try to take dietary supplements, talk to my family via skype and go for hot chocolate and walks with friends on some days... I also try to set aside as much money as I can to help any members of my family who needs it. I really think that my money might not be mine actually. I think they are just given to me to manage it so I can make meaningful things with it. Like giving it to people who need it (and seriously charity starts from our parents, and then to our families and then to others), saving for my business, etc....
So anyway after taking a closer look at my life, OMG I realized something. I am living my life just as I want it. I am doing things that I love and what I am on about not achieving success??!!! Why do I obsess on the goal when the truth is I am enjoying and feeling lucky that I am given the chance to live my life exactly how I intend. Goals are great, they act as an aim, but they are not the fun bits. The fun and meaningful bits is in the act of living my life daily doing exactly what I love.
Dr. Stephen R. Covey says that if we want to achieve something, we have to start with identifying our principles and values. And then from there, we should change our habit! Yes, our habits make up or carve our way to our goals and aims. So now, I am going to focus on the gift of TODAY. All my efforts are going to focused on creating meaningful habits such as meditation and prayers for God, exercise, researching and writing on faith and fashion, running my support group, sharing my knowledge with others and helping any political party to stand up against any political party in Malaysia that aims to dominate and remain in power for whatever reasons (I am vowing to always protect the underdog! hahahhaa...). This is the real deal and the meaning of success to me now. Now I think I am successful, not because I am better or I stand out, but because I am learning to define success on my terms. My terms of success for now is:
- Being grateful to God for being able to fight for a better TODAY;
- Creating meaningful habits;
- Enjoying the actions of those habits; and
- Being content with being me....
I hope this post can help others out there who are trying to find the meaning of success... Glory to God, all Praises to God, There is no god but God, God is the Greatest!
P.S.: I've started to brush my teeth 3 times a day! Yea!!!! The prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) says, "If I had not found it hard for my followers or the people, I would have ordered them to clean their teeth with Siwak for every prayer." I'm a long way from brushing it 5 times a day (cause we have to pray 5 times or more in a day). But I'm on the way! ;-)
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