Sumi's First Entry

Salams everyone!

Hope you are all in the best of health and iman :-). This is my first entry since we (me, Aainaa and Elly) decided to have our own circle of sharing sessions. To be honest, I love my sessions with them. It is so nice to have friends who we can pour our heart to, and what more when we can discuss on issues relating to our spiritual journey.

We started our conversation/ sharing session once a week. The first week we had to memorize the three (kuls) with their meaning/ tafsir. Then we had to discuss how the tafsir relates to what we are going through in life. The second week we discussed and memorized the surah al-Mulk. In the third gathering of ours, we were supposed to memorize and discuss the last 4 ayats of surah al-hasyr. We didn’t manage to do this so we decided to watch Ustaz Asri’s video on youtube. It consists of 10 videos and mashallah it was fantastic. There were so many things that we could reflect. Here are the videos that we watched together. 

However, there is one thing that is alarming me. Yesterday, as the three of us were discussing our lives, Elly and Aainaa told me about a gift that Allah has bestowed upon me. They told me that I had a gift in delivering a message. They said that when I say something, it makes them think and reflect about the issues that I bring fourth, even when they do not agree with me. I think it’s because of my years watching Baba talk with people, trying to convince people. And I realised what a very powerful gift it is to have the gift of convincing people. I’ve always felt like it was easy to manipulate people to agree with me. I could find an angle to achieve a consensus, even when I know it was not right. Basically, I could argue for the sake of arguing.

           But since I found Islam, it has been a long journey of being truthful to God, myself and to others. ITS SO DIFFICULT!!!! Seriously, especially when I know I can argue my way out of something. Yesterday Elly said something about my ego, and how I want people to always listen to me. OMG she is right... Astaghfirghlah (May Allah have mercy on my soul). It's so hard sometimes to face the reality that we are the ones who are sabotaging our own development. I read Fathi Osman's article on Islam and Democracy and how the ego is a hindrance to achieve better development of the mind and soul. The dignity that God has bestowed upon me can easily be taken away from the ego that I have within myself. I think this was what Oprah discussed in her book review of A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. When I went to Mosaic International Conference last year (Cambridge, September 2010), the presenter   Binna Kandola from Pearn Kandola also told me how the ego acts as a hindrance to a person's success. So this is why the ego is my top priority jihad right now. My ego has gotten so big because I am used to getting things my way, that I refuse to acknowledge the truth even when I myself know it. 

          Secondly, I have stop lying. I REALLY HAVE TO STOP LYING. I'm going to take some quotes from the Quran and Hadith that I have written in my other blog about my journey in business:

... One of the toughest and personal struggles that I have within my soul (jihad) is to have this character of being an honest person. But this is a struggle that is worth embarking and I am positive that I can make it should I make a conscious effort to try.

There are so many reason for this.

"Verily, honesty leads to righteousness and righteousness leads to the pleasure of God, Most High. Lying leads to licentiousness and licentiousness brings about the anger of God" Bukhari, no. 6094; Muslim, no. 2607

Honestly is one of the defining characteristics of a believer. The Prophet (peace be upon him) mentioned that a Muslim can be many things, but he cannot be a liar*.Hence honesty is one of the indispensable provisions we must take along for our journey to God.

Lying destroys the ethical ideal that our religion is predicated upon. Once an ideal is gone, all the actions that are associated with the attainment and maintenance of that ideal become meaningless. That is why a Muslim cannot be a liar, for one who lies constantly has no higher ethical standard and only looks for the means to advance his or her interests. If lying serves to advance those interests he or she readily resorts to lying. Such an approach to life is the essence of hypocrisy, for a hypocrite is a person who lives a lie.Thus we find that no one is more subject to the anger of God than the hypocrites. God mentions in the Quran, Surely the hypocrites will be in the lowest level of Hell (4:145)

Now how does this fit into my life as a business women. In truth, it is so hard for me to bite my tongue every time I feel the urge to even exaggerate...

*Muhammad Zakariyya al-Kandahlawi, Awjaz al-Masalik ila Muwatta al-Imam Malik (Damascus: Dar al-Qalam1424/2003), 17:507, no. 1800."

       So there. I hope by me sharing this with everyone, I have made the first step to admit that I have so many faults... and they are huge and big faults... May Allah forgive me and help me to eradicate this bad character of mine. So thank you Allh for giving me friends like Elly to tell me things even when they are difficult to accept, and thank you Allah for giving me productive friends like Aainaa who likes to wake up in the morning (this morning she woke me up for Subuh alhamdulillah) and discuss about Islam. Aainaa even asked us to imagine how it would be like if all of us were to be granted heaven in the hereafter. Yes, indeed we do not qualify to even ask God for such as reward as we accumulate sins that amount to piles of mountains,  but one slave can only hope for the best from its Lord, Oh Allah, my creator who has created me with such love and wisdom. Oh Allah, my - Most Gracious and Most Merciful. It is truly a nikmah and blessing to be surrounded by good friends.